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Being Fat
By Marlene Kaiser of Kaiser Distributing
I read Frederick's intel, and I loved that song when I was young, we sang it all the time. To me, it was just a catchy tune, and I didn't think about it being more than that. I was skinny until I was 10, and was fat by 11, and it wasn't easy getting that way. I remember eating too much and my stomach hurting so I would lay over a chair on my stomach to calm it. I had two of the most wonderful, supportive parents and it was a shame that they didn't notice that something was wrong because I was gaining weight. My mother was well educated and a very progressive person, and took my brother to a psychologist even in the 40's, but no one noticed me, or thought too much about it until my father noticed,so he did what he thought would help, and went on a 10 day diet with me. He and I followed the diet, and I did lose the 10#, but gained it back again shortly and then some. All that did was start me dieting myself fat. By that I mean I have dieted and dieted over and over then gained the weight back and then some many times. I really needed psychological help then, but Mom didn't think about it, and since I was already their problem child.I was legally blind in the left eye and very, very nearsighted in the right eye. That eye was sensitive and would stop working periodically and I would then be totally blind for a while. They spent a lot of time, money and effort helping me with that, and I'm eternally grateful to them for that, but being fat was not on their radar as a psychological problem. When I got my degree in Home Economics, nutrition was a big part of my studies. The only reason I became a teacher rather than a nutritionist, was because I had five children under seven and a very ill husband, when I graduated. The only internship offered me was in Chicago, and I lived in Montana. It seemed too hard to move there with the dynamics of my family. Later, I came across a book called "Eliminate Your Self Defeating Behaviors" and it had a series of self training psychological exercises. I found out how and why I became fat by doing the memory exercises. At eight, I had some girlfriends that mocked me terribly for whatever reason. They would be friends, and then not friends, typical behavior for girls this age, but I didn't know that. One day they locked themselves in their car and were making fun of me through the window. I was very angry, and I went to our yard and got the axe my dad used to cut fire wood, and went back to the car and had the axe raised up to hit the car when a neighbor, I thought was special, picked me up by the scruff of my neck held me to face him, and told me that such a violent act would hurt my parents very much. That ended the axe incident, but it didn't end my involvement with it. Even in my childish innocence I knew that I didn't want to hurt my parents. Mom's best friend was a very fat lady, whom I just loved, she was so kind and would snuggle me even then and so I decided at that age that I would be fat rather than violent. I then worked at getting fat. It took me over a year. I still have a temper, but have never been violent. The culmination of reading this book and remembering made it possible for me to lose 100# which I was able to keep off for more than seven years, and I thought knowing this was the end of my being fat. I was wrong, I must have reinforced that thinking over and over without being aware of it, because I gained the 100# back and then some after I retired. Being fat is so much more than eating and exercise. It is liking yourself enough not to overeat. I always liked myself, and didn't worry too much about others. I probably decided at the same time I decided to be fat, that as long as me and God were friends the rest of the world didn't matter. That has been a life long philosophy. As long as I'm straight with God, how the rest of the world judges me doesn't matter. I enjoy reading Frederick's intels very much, so I thought I'd add some enlightenment to being fat. I have studied a lot about it, and worked hard most of my adult life to be not really fat. In my late teens, when I finished my first two years in college, I was anorexic. I didn't stop until I was pregnant with my first child, and my doctor told me that if I didn't eat that child wouldn't live, so I made the typical decision that I would think about the child over myself. I only allowed myself to gain ten pounds when I was expecting her. She was full term and weighed a little over five pounds. I tell you this because when you have an eating disorder, it can go either way at any time. The underlying psychological reasons have to be addressed for any lasting success. When I had my fourth child, I didn't want to be pregnant, and I gained forty pounds with him, and never lost it until years later. When Glenn would try to help me I would cry and run into the bedroom saying that all there was for me was to eat. That was another trigger that if Glenn had recognized it and got me the psychological help I needed then, it would have helped me to stay thinner. Even if he recognized the need, getting the help probably would have been impossible because of finances, and the difficulty it was and still is to get adequate psychological help for those in need. Later, because of Glenn's psychological problems and illness I did go for psychological help, and went whenever I recognized that I needed it. It was easy because I worked in that field, and had friends willing to help me. Why I needed this help, I'm not sure. I was raised by great parents who did everything they could to help me be the best I could be, and I think I was a good mother because I tried to pass that along, only I never was able to do as well as my parents did. When I married, I was so thin, about 20 pounds underweight. Glenn said that he didn't want to be married to a fat person, but he also didn't want to be able to hang his hat on my hips. Well, after the first three or four years, he didn't have to worry about a hat hanger anymore. This is a long confession, but I felt it was important to shed some light on what being fat really is, and on what it takes to be of average weight if you have a psychological reason for being fat. This is love week, and so I write this with love to any who can relate to this story.
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Contributor's Note
We couldn't afford wedding pictures when we married, it took us about 4 months to save enough for the one I put here. I was so thin by then,the dress was pulled to the back and held with clothespins. Please go to http://www.change.org/petitions/ask-congress-to-cut-their-pay-to-help-the-deficit and sign my petition if you think congress people should sacrifice along with the rest of us.
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I went from this to this at 21
to this at 77
Our Wedding picture
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Thanks for sharing this great intel, Marlene. I'm sure your intel will be helpful to thousands of people who have had similar experiences.
Thanks for sharing your life story. There's a lot more to being fat than overeating and not exercising. There are reasons behind everything we do; whether it's a positive or negative action.
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